After ADHD diagnoses grief

The practitioner said those words that I knew were coming, but I didn’t know how much it was going to affect me emotionally.

I hardly heard anything they said after that, all the moments of self doubt, the struggles I had learned to hide, all the harsh things I had called myself and been called by others, they all flooded my brain; then the tears came, it was not the first time I had cried in that two hour appointment.

I was diagnosed with combined ADHD. I had been told by a trusted colleague, who is also neurodivergent, that I may feel some sadness after diagnoses, so I already had in my head that it was normal to feel, but still felt overwhelmed by it. Grief for my former self going through the education system, being constantly told off, getting detention, not knowing why I had to try so much harder than my peers. Constantly fidgeting, being labelled lazy or too much by others; if only they knew the amount of things constantly going on inside my head, and the monumental effort it takes sometimes to remember all the strategies I have had to learn by myself over the years just to try to function like a neurotypical person. Even writing this I can feel the sting of tears in my eyes.

This is, I believe, why lived experience of neurodivergence is key to the counselling relationship with neurodivergent clients. The understanding goes deeper, something you may have been embarrassed to tell a neurotypical counsellor, because past experiences have informed that assumption, may be immediately understood by a neurodivergent counsellor. This is another reason I disclose my diagnoses, clients feel safe enough to unmask, to not feel self conscious of their stimming, and know that there is someone sitting across from them that knows what it feels like.

If you would like to read a guest blog I wrote for The Nook about being queer and neurodivergent you can find it here: https://therapyplace.org/2026/07/29/im-different-i-just-didnt-know-in-how-many-ways/